Ninniachel the wedding priest
by Kiyamasho
Summary: Zack and Cait Sith come to Ninniachel with an unusual request. What happens when Ninniachel agrees to go through with their crazy plans? ONESHOT R


**Please Enjoy the craziness X3 **

"You must be joking." Ninniachel sat behind her desk and stared at the two hopeful people in front of her. One had been an interesting acquaintance since they met several years before and the other...the other was the bane of her existence.

Zack smiled joyfully and placed a warm hand on Cait Sith's...knee? The cat purred in pleasure and shifted on his spot atop Reeves head. Zack leaned forward and said, "We couldn't be more sure Commander. As my mentor I want YOU to marry us."

Ninniachel pressed her lips into a thin line. "Zack...Cait Sith, I'm, er, honored that you two would ask me to do such a thing for you, but don't you think you're being a bit hasty?"

"Hasty? I love Zack with all my figurative heart." Cait Sith's folded his little arms across his chest and glared at her.

Zack stared imploringly at Ninniachel and the young woman could feel her heart breaking. She cared a lot about Zack and if this...union would make him happy...then so be it. "Oh FINE. When's the wedding?"

-- 2 days later --

Ninniachel stared down at her note cards and then back up at the couple in front of her. Zack had Cait Sith's tiny hand...paw thing in his and they both had blissful expressions on their faces. Behind them friends had gathered to witness this glorious moment.

Clearing her throat and taking one last glance at her notecards Ninniachel began. "Dearly Beloved..." She struggled not to gag. "Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to witness the union between Zack Fair and...Cait Sith." Cait Sith smiled smugly and Ninniachel felt her blood begin to boil. She continued stiffly, "As many of you know Zack has been a much loved member of SOLDIER and it pleases us to see him finding a," Ninniachel paused to narrow her eyes at Cait Sith, "life mate."

Cait Sith narrowed his eyes back at Ninnachel and placed a paw on Zack's arm. "Why don't we skip ahead to the I Do's? We don't need to hear any of this. We're very sure we want to do this."

Zack's eyes brightened. "Yeah Why don't We—OOOUF" He was interrupted by Ninniachel throwing the note cards in his face. The crowd began to murmur in excitement and the young woman felt the anger spill over.

"Why don't we NOT skip it?" Ninnachel snarled the words and grabbed both Zack and Cait Sith by the collars of their white wedding clothes. "Now listen here and listen good. Marriage is a serious matter. It's not something you can run blindly into and it sure as hell isn't something you should do with someone who you barely know. And that is EXACTLY what you two are doing. If the two of you get married now you better be prepared to experience hell on earth. Be prepared to spend the rest of your life wishing you had the made the right decision." Ninniachel shoved the two of them away from her. "The two of you disgust me. Cait Sith you don't love Zack. You don't even have a heart. You're a freaking robotic CAT." She whirled to face Zack who lay stunned on the floor. "And you Zack. I knew you were an idiot but this is the icing on top the cake. Stand up." When he hesitated Ninniachel hissed, "I said STAND UP."

Zack scrambled to his feet and stood beside Cait Sith. Both of them looked nervous. Ninniachel smiled coldly. They damn well should feel nervous. Ninniachel voice was cool when she spoke. "Caith Sith do you take Zack to be your lawfully wedded husband or wife or whatever the hell it is you two will be to each other?"

Caith Sith stayed silently for a minute before lifting his chin proudly and snapping, "I DO."

Ninniachel suppressed a growl and turned slightly to face Zack. "How about Zack. Are you going to go through with this foolishness. Are you going to take Cait Sith as yours?"

Everything grew quiet and everyone focused their attention on Zack. The man in question took a deep breath and looked Ninniachel straight in the eye. "I...don't."

Everyone gasped and Caith Sith gave an outraged yowl. The small cat pointed a claw at Ninniachel, "This is your fault You--!!" He was interrupted by Ninniachel kicking Reeves stomach and sending the two of the flying across the church.

Zack smiled mischievously at the young woman and she couldn't stop her laugh. Looking past the Zack at the crowd of open mouthed witnesses Ninniachel asked sweetly, "Anyone else want to get married?"

**i had a LOT of fun writing this. I wrote it for a contest over on dA where you had to have a character give a wedding sermon. at first i was gonna pair up Zack with someone else but my good friend Puja723 told me Cait Sith and I had to do it. I hope you all enjoyed this :D**


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